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Today was a good sunny day. I spent the whole day with my friends in KUFRI, offered three Prayers in my own mohalla Masjid but I am down since Aser prayer as I came to know about one very respectable person that there is no flour at his home for last four days and that no body has had proper meals. If I tell you the name of the person, I bet you too will cry…

I still remember that hot day of June, 1992 when i was filling college admission form for First Year. I secured A+ grades in matric but i was unable to decide which decipline i have to join for first year.I still think that a wrong selection of decipline was the reason of my educational down fall.

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

I don't remember my very early childhood but I am sure people would have been around who would teach me how to walk, would hold me. But that is for only childhood when everyone extends support. I have even today a lot of people around but no one cares. Oh that! I be child again and be it forever.

The first funeral I attended was that of a 24-year-old friend. We went to a small town; I grabbed a friend’s hand and walked to the front where an open casket sat. I thought how strange he looked. How thin his cancer had made him. After the prayer, we followed the casket into the graveyard. It was February and the wind and snow were blowing like hardened tears in our faces. Then someone invited everyone for lunch. How awful! I thought. This is a very serious and solemn time. How could anyone have lunch after this? But I was hungry. I went back to have the lunch. Everyone was quiet for awhile, and then someone laughed. Soon the room was filled with conversation, hugs, movement again. Life after death, in one startling moment I saw the wisdom of elders and other cultures in making a new start after part of grief. Yea! We all have to go one day but should live the life to its fullest taking care of each other, we will not be given another turn.

You have gone on - and I am still here - You completed your journey with such strength and serenity that I can only think of those last weeks and months with wonder. You said all that could be said to those of us you would be leaving behind. You surrounded us with your love. You allowed me to be part of the most intensey personal experience a human can have. It seems bizarre, but I never felt so close to you. I learned the strength of vulnerabilty from you. I miss you totally. I am proud to have been your wife.

I sit hear and im thinking. I can't belive i am writing this right now. My husband should still be here. He should be here being the wonderful and caring father that he was. It hurts so bad knowing that i will never see him walk through the door and seeing the glow on the kids faces and jump all over him. Oh how they loved that..when daddy came home.It like a piece of me has been torn away from me. I don't feel whole..he is missing from our family now...

 
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